On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing four boxes of Christmas tree ornaments between us. Kit, now living independently, wanted to decorate her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the decorations triggered memories of loss and grief for children who were no longer present during the holidays.
Over eight years, our family grew and shrank with 23 foster children. Many placements were temporary, and during our fostering journey, our two children became part of our family through adoption. I was amazed to discover that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even for those she had never met. It was surprising to find out that her holiday memories differed from mine.
One box revealed a tree topper we received during our first Christmas together as newlyweds. As I examined the iridescent angel, I traced the crack between its wings and body. While Krazy Glue kept the angel intact, our marriage did not withstand the test of time. Passing the angel to Kit, I wondered if she would want it in its delicate state. Her eyes sparkled under her festive reindeer hat as she gladly accepted it.
Recalling how Kit always wanted to be the one to place the angel atop the tree, we shared a laugh about her height now. The decision was made, and the angel found a new home with Kit. Another tin held a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament made by an eight-year-old boy we once fostered. Constructed from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a foster family Christmas party, it stirred emotions of both grief and frustration. Despite losing touch with the boy, we hoped he knew how much we cared for him.
As Kit sensed my emotions, she took the Santa decoration, reminiscing about how I always placed it low on the tree for her to play with. She admired the flames at the back of the sleigh, reminiscent of a movie scene. Just like our foster children, Kit preferred watching “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” on Christmas Eve.
Creating inclusive Christmas holidays for our foster children was a priority for our family. We adjusted our Christmas dinner dates so that they could spend time with their families during the festive season. We started a tradition of buying unique ornaments for each child, giving them the choice to keep it with us or take it when they moved on from our home.
Unwrapping a reindeer ornament made of pompoms brought back memories of our son’s humorous nickname for it. Dividing Christmas ornaments after my divorce was not new to me, as my former husband and I had done the same years ago. Kit’s reflections on Christmas traditions showed me the resilience and lessons she had learned from past events.
This year’s tree decorating holds a different promise for me, with Kit’s joyful perspective overshadowing any lingering sadness. I eagerly await seeing her decorated tree, filled with memories and new beginnings.